The fact is, these ‘childhood/adolescent needs for love do not belong in her adult love relationship. An adult lover cannot give the love a father was supposed to give.
The tragic part of this is the repetition that can take place looking for her father’s love in one love relationship after another until disappointment and unresolved grief build to the point of creating symptoms and the need for some kind of treatment.
Identifying with an unavailable father can occur in the form of picking unavailable lovers, or turning oneself into an unavailable lover or both.
The point is unavailability or absence becomes part of the daughter’s love life.
Once again, an emotionally mature mother who realizes her daughter’s need for information about men can compensate to a large extent for the father’s absence.
The lessons involve, understanding who men are, how they think, what they value, what they respect, and how they commit themselves in love when attracted to a woman.
In many instances, these efforts to procure the love that was lost lead instead to disappointment, low self-esteem, and further feelings of loss.These lessons prepare a daughter for the task of making better choices in her love life.They prepare her for the task of differentiating between men who truly love her and men that don’t.This post is about the possible effects of an emotionally absent father on a daughter’s adult love life.Many women see a connection between the difficulty they are having in their love lives and the fact of their own father’s absence when they were growing up.When these lessons were not provided by either her father or her mother as a backup a woman’s love life “standards” can be lower because of unresolved feelings of loss creating lower levels of self-esteem.When a woman’s self-esteem is low she is subject to greater mistreatment and abuse because her need for a lost father’s love is too compelling resulting in less discrimination in her love life.A woman who makes it to adulthood with unresolved needs for her father’s love can act this out in a committed love relationship or marriage by expecting her lover or husband to make up for all the love she has lost.In many instances older needs for parenting love emerge somewhat later in a relationship, once the excitement and newness wear thin.I’ve also organized our treatment of this topic into three parts: your (daughter) emotional need for your father, what you should learn from your father, and what parts of your father’s personality you might identify with.Just as with a son, a daughter needs to experience the presence and love of a stable father growing up.