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Moreover, it is flexible depending on the relationship; it lets couples define their own version of fidelity based on what is important to them, as determined through honest, nonjudgmental discussions and mutual decision making.For some couples, behaviors like looking at porn or flirting on Facebook might be perfectly OK, so long as the couple has agreed that the behavior fits within the boundaries of their relationship and secrets are not being kept.It isn't fair of him to withhold intimacy from me, but constantly watch porn.It isn't fair of him to insult my intelligence by lying when it's obvious that he is visiting these sites.In order to use Medscape, your browser must be set to accept cookies delivered by the Medscape site.

It's not cheating..it DOES bother me because he isn't sexual with me at all.

Based on the results of this study—and more than 25 years of clinical experience—I have concluded that it’s not the of a sexual or romantic act that cause the most pain and do the most damage to a romantic relationship, it’s the lying, the emotional distancing, the loss of intimacy, and the disintegration of trust.

As such, I have developed a definition of cheating for digital age that might help couples clarify what is and is not acceptable within the bounds of their relationship: Please notice that this definition does not directly refer to affairs, pornography, strip clubs, hookup apps, sexting, webcams, flirting, chatting, fantasizing, or any other specific sexual or romantic act.

As a psychotherapist specializing in sex and intimacy issues, I regularly see couples in conflict about what does and does not constitute cheating.

One partner has done something he or she thinks is perfectly normal and within the bounds of marital bliss, but the other partner feels deeply betrayed by the act, which results in profound emotional pain, sporadic rancor—sometimes simmering, sometimes explosive—and the loss of relationship trust and emotional intimacy.


  1. Oct 20, 2016. Alicia spends a great deal of time chatting online with a male business. When that trust is broken, one partner feels betrayed, used, and taken.

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