For as long as I can remember, my parents have been divorced.Shared custody, new step-parents, new homes, new step-siblings, and new routines were introduced to my sister and I all before the age of 10.Falling under this umbrella, you are not likewise destined for divorce because your parents chose it for themselves, as you are in control of your own life and have full power in how your relationships will play out."The developmental literature and the science related to child development is very clear: It only takes ONE adult to form a meaningful, connected relationship with a child for that child to then go on to develop in the best possible way," according to Dr. This is an important subject to hit, not only on the topic of divorced parents but also for those individuals who grew up in households where only one parent was present for any given reason.As adults having been raised in such households, we may carry with us the burden or thought of wondering what life may have been like without divorced parents or with the presence of two parents with whom to share all the milestones of life. Lapointe assures, however, it takes but one parent to provide a child with a fulfilling, positive upbringing.
Child or adult, the stress of a separation is not for the children of divorced parents to bear. Lapointe says, "The child needs to know that mom and dad are going to be okay. The child needs to know that mom and dad are not lost to them. The child needs to feel empowered around some of the stress symptoms they may experience. The child needs to know the lay of the land.""Resistance to acceptance of a divorce may flow from fear about what it means and if it will all work out," Dr. Naturally, when parents announce a separation or subsequent divorce, there will be feelings of hope for reconciliation and tinges of fear for what will happen next."[Parents should] be clear in [their] efforts (on multiple occasions and over time) to communicate how this will go, what it will mean very tangibly (where [kids] will live, will they pack a suitcase or have personal items at both homes, will [the parents] get remarried, etc.) as well as what it means emotionally – 'you will always be loved by both of your parents,' etc.," Dr. As an adult, to come to terms with your parents' divorce, a conversation is due to discuss the implications on your family, including but not limited to the above circumstances mentioned by Dr. We might wonder how holidays will play out, whether our parents will date or marry again, and what it might mean to live in different states for the first time.
"Does this mean that there will be no heartache or upset associated with having an absent parent? But when children are gifted the reality of unconditional and enduring love from at least one adult, what we know for certain is that the capacity to endure and be resilient will be alive and well," Dr.
Lapointe states."Part of [overcoming your parents' divorce in childhood] will be to grieve what you missed out on as a child – loss, love, protection, safety.
In general, a good guideline is about a six-month wait from the time you separate from your spouse to the time you start to date, although dating will often occur sooner.
You should talk with your child about your new adult friends.