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"When they leave me, it's usually for The One," my lover, Charles, said.

I was gushing about the new man in my life, and Charles was adjusting admirably to the news. That's the deal for a man in a polyamorous, open marriage who dates multiple partners.

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Monogamists shouldn’t rely on their partner for all of these things all of the time either.Lack of appreciation makes your partner needy and insecure, not sharing your time and attention with work, friends or family.Daily life in long-term relationships can make it hard to feel that excitement, let alone communicate it.You can trust that choice more than if you never let them explore admiration from others. The only way to have complete trust is to talk about everything Communication before you have problems will head off half of them.Talking through problems will solve the other half. If either of us were feeling insecure we talked it through.While it’s true that you do need to be extra mindful of your needs and motivations, dating while separated isn’t impossible.Before you consider getting back into the dating game, you’ll need some real honest talks with your ex. If your ex is hoping for a reconciliation, they’re not going to love the idea of you dating someone new.You can’t date until you’re both sure it’s over and you’re not harboring a secret desire to get back together. You need some time and space to fall in love with yourself again first and foremost.You might not want to talk to your ex about your current dating plans, but if you’re not divorced yet it’s the most honest thing to do. Factor in a little pamper time or even a weekend break here and there to give yourself time to heal. If you’re still hoping to get back together with your partner, or still dealing with a lot of sadness and bitterness surrounding the separation, you’re not ready yet. It’s a huge step, and it’s only natural to feel some hesitation.If you’re ready to move on and you decide to say yes to a date, be honest with your potential partner from the very start. You don’t have to tell them every detail of your marriage breakdown, but do let them know that the divorce is in process (if it’s not you might want to rethink dating until it is), and be clear that reconciliation with your ex is not something you want.Dating while separated is possible, but only if you’re 100% honest with yourself and your potential partner. Let yourself heal and get used to your own company before seeking out a new relationship.

653 comments

  1. Mar 3, 2017. But there are similarities We know the other has secrets, but we don't. I was pretty sure Dave was sleeping with someone else while I was stuck at home. I don't keep my marriage a secret from the guys I date — I don't take.

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