Society doesn’t allow for the blame-absolving narrative of “that girl turned me on so much it wasn’t my fault” when it comes to a fat chick because society pretends fat chicks aren’t hot.
Now, I don’t think I’m “fat” but I’m not “small.” I’m sort of a middle build kind of girl.And, while I appreciate the feminist research that has gone into things like studying how this commercialist exploitation of hyper-beautiful models impacts women, I feel like we may be getting a little led astray here.Because here’s the thing; when I was dating women, I still saw those images; they just didn’t bug me as much.In addition to that, I show you how to attract them, how to date them and how to get a Filipina girlfriend or wife.This guide is anything but short, but once you’ve read it you’ll know more about dating Filipino women than 99% of men. That’s the first word that pops into my head when I think back to the time I spent with Joy.Even when they compliment me, I often feel worse, and I think it’s because any compliment that cuts their emotionality out of the loop leads me feeling — bad, objectified, ashamed. Writing it all out did help me feel less fat, but I’m also not too sure how deeply I want to engage with male sexual shame.Something like that.“You are so hot,” feels worse than “I am so turned on by you right now.” If I’m hot, there is no connection, no caring. That shit is one of the the most toxic parts of toxic masculinity.And then I was like, oh yeah — this is that feeling from back when I had boyfriends. Like I am not worthy of being loved because of how I look. I feel almost physically sub-human, as if any man who looks at my naked body without saying something cruel is doing me a kindness. When I was dating women, and when I was not dating, I didn’t really stress out about my appearance.I haven’t had one in over 5 years, and I kind of assumed that those old weird insecure feelings I used to have were something I just matured out of. Apparently what happened is that I stopped dating dudes. Like, that any man who is with me is only settling because he can’t get what he really wants. Sometimes I looked good, sometimes I looked bad and I feel like I had a fairly objective sense of the whole thing. I was able to see, in an objective sense, that my hair was fine (strangely, better than normal) my skin was fine.If the whole “warping female minds with super hot models” theory were true, you’d expect all women (straight and lesbian) to have body image issues, and all men to feel super fab. That’s where all these bad feelings are coming from. This relieves him of the shame, and to some degree, his feelings of creepiness.How can he be blamed for simply being an object that is being acted upon? If a man , this is also the fault of his partner for not being hot enough.