But wouldn’t it be better to find out how he would respond, rather than speculating? Are you sure he wouldn’t want to work to make things better?If that conversation really does go badly, however, you’ll know more clearly where you stand. Our daughter is married to a wonderful provider who is a caring and compassionate father.Name Withheld If the choice really is among betraying your children, betraying your husband and betraying yourself, I’d be inclined to say that the good of your children has the greatest moral weight.
I am no longer content to simply accept being less than satisfied in any area of my life, including sexually, and I know that this other man is able and willing to provide that for me.However, our family functions well as a unit, and he is a good, involved father, and a generally decent husband, so the thought of breaking up our family is heartbreaking to me and seems very selfish.In addition, extramarital affairs are something I have never believed to be ethically sound decisions.His answers to me seemed to imply that he was the type who took some time to warm up to new ideas.With this in mind, I moved forward with him, believing that eventually our sex life would become more adventurous. It has been seven years since we became a committed couple, and if anything, our sex has become more boring and certainly less frequent.And is this likely to make up for the fact that your relationship with your husband is deeply unsatisfying, again in ways that go far beyond sex?You suggest that you’re reluctant to try to repair the emotional damage you describe, perhaps through counseling, because you don’t trust your husband and you think he’d be resistant.Before my relationship with my husband, I had a very successful friends-with-benefits relationship with another man, which ended because I moved out of his area.We were exceptionally sexually compatible, enjoyed each other’s company and had a very clear understanding of our relationship boundaries.But when this happens, he goes from being a calm, caring person to being enraged and verbally abusive in a matter of seconds (thankfully it has not been in front of our children).He has said some truly terrible things to me when this happens, things that he is always apologetic for later but that I have a difficult time getting over.