They weren’t serious relationships, but I was still jealous. Even after goofy Mike literally asked me on a date, I didn’t take him seriously. We acted together in a summer theatre program called Second Stage.Since I was insecure and lonely, I was jealous of anyone who found someone that understood, cared for and stood by them. I was too insecure and loathed myself too much to be able to understand what another person could value in me. I met him at auditions and it was love at first sight; for me, at least.I was afraid of getting hurt if he wasn’t actually interested in me. Being open and honest with myself, let alone anybody else, was terrifying. I can only remember through the eyes of an obese, insecure teen girl.Though it would be interesting to know for certain, I’m glad I never clarified my relationship with Mike.I wasn’t desperate on OKCupid the way I’d been with Forrest.
I was polite and naïve, so I replied to any guy who didn’t message me with “Hey” or “You’re hot”. Mainly, it’s about physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and adding enjoyment to your life. If you can’t honestly say ‘yes’ to those questions, you might need to lose weight. I focused on pleasing everybody and making them like me. I tried to lose weight because my mother wanted me to.
I rationalized that he talked to me because he enjoyed poking fun at me.
I couldn’t understand why dating an overweight girl like me would interest anybody.
Forget everyone else for a moment and truly focus on yourself. Like a typical elementary-age child, I never worked up the courage to tell him my feelings.
Loving yourself is the first step to finding somebody else to love you. I imagined myself walking up to him and telling him how I felt, though I never turned those dreams into reality. I had a handful of crushes in the past, but I was going to encounter a beast I had no clue how to handle: a potential crush on .