There’s renewed interest in studying passive-aggression. Because you can’t have an honest, direct conversation with a passive-aggressive partner, nothing ever gets resolved. They try to sabotage your wants, needs, and plans using a variety of tactics.Like all codependents, they’re in denial of the impact of their behavior.For example, a passive-aggressive person might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request.
If this is a common pattern, you’re likely dealing with passive-aggression. When you nag, scold, or get angry, you escalate conflict and give your partner more excuses and ammunition to deny responsibility.This behavior commonly reflects hostility which the individual feels he dare not express openly.Often the behavior is one expression of the patient’s resentment at failing to find gratification in a relationship with an individual or institution upon which he is over-dependent. 44, code 301.81)The DSM-IV ascribed the disorder to someone with negative attitudes and passive resistance to requests for adequate performance, indicated by at least 4 of these traits not due to depression:• Passively resists fulfilling routine tasks• Complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated• Is sullen and argumentative• Scorns and criticizes authority• Expresses envy and resentment toward those seeming more fortunate• Frequently makes exaggerated complaints of misfortune• Shows alternating hostile defiance and contrition After nearly 40 years it was dropped in 1994. Passive-aggression was found to be related to borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, negative childhood experiences, and substance abuse.Your fury is theirs, while they may calmly ask, “Why are you getting so angry? Passive-aggressive partners are generally codependent, and like codependents, suffer from shame and low self-esteem.Their behavior is designed to please to appease and counter to control.This is why they blame others, unaware of the problems they’re causing.They refuse to take responsibility for anything, and distort reality, rationalize, blame, make excuses, minimize, deny, or flat out lie about their behavior or the promises or agreements they’ve made.Often the behavior is one expression of the patient’s resentment at failing to find gratification in a relationship with an individual or institution upon which he is over-dependent. 44, code 301.81)After nearly 40 years, it was dropped in 1994.There’s renewed interest in studying passive-aggression. Passive-aggression was found to be related to borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, negative childhood experiences, and substance abuse.Rather than say no or address their anger, they forget your birthday or the plans you’ve discussed, or forget to put gas in the car, pickup your prescription, or fix the leaky toilet. They’re avoidant and don’t like schedules or deadlines.It’s another form of rebellion, so they delay and delay with endless excuses.