I wasn’t so much flattered by his eagerness as I was concerned by his desperation.I mean, why did this guy want a girlfriend so badly? Is he so insecure that he I did like D from the beginning, and I may have grown to really like him if he had given me the chance rather than trying to force me into feeling how he wanted me to feel when he wanted me to feel it.I knew that I controlled everything and it was really hard to be attracted to a guy that would let that happen.I’m not saying I wanted him to play mind games, but a little restraint and confidence would have gone a long way.I was terrified to let my guard down, who knew what kind of feelings and emotions would take hold if I did? Not surprisingly, the relationship soon fell apart.What if he made me really like him and then broke my heart (which actually happened to me in high-school and definitely had an impact). It just wasn’t the right time and rather than letting things happen organically, D was hell bent on forcing them along on his designated path.I knew he liked me a whole lot more than I liked him, but feeling terrified by the possibility that my heart had turned to stone and that I may never be able to love again, I stayed with it, hoping that the deep feelings he felt for me would eventually be reciprocated on my end.
It made me cringe thinking back to how confused and desparate I felt and how I would badger the guy in hopes of getting what I wanted. Well for me, being an official couple meant that someday we’d have to have an official breakup and I just didn’t want to open the door for anything heavy or emotional to enter my life when I was still in a pretty fragile state.When a guy won’t call you his girlfriend it doesn’t always mean he doesn’t like you or that he never will.Oftentimes, it may mean that he isn’t ready to commit in that way at that moment.I felt very uncomfortable and resentful, not to mention furious with myself for caving in which I couldn’t undo, and it just got very ugly from there.The reason I felt compelled to share this experience is I think it may help to see things from the other side.I’ve been there, my friends have been there, and it’s so frustrating and makes zero sense.I mean, you’re with this guy, you’re spending a lot of time together, you are in a relationship in every single way except for the fact that you’re not technically in a relationship.One thing I’ve noticed is that guys don’t bounce back from breakups as easily as us gals do.They can’t just dive right into the next relationship which is why, I’m sure you’ll notice, the guys that won’t call you their girlfriends are usually still licking their wounds from a previous breakup. Him giving me all the power in the relationship was also very unsettling.I mean yeah it was nice, but where is the fun and excitement in having someone at your mercy?